The Cheesy Pop Archives

In recent months we’ve been collating a pretty self explanatory Spotify playlist called Every Song I’ve Ever Loved – it is full of around 400 songs that are equally shit and amazing.  On browsing through ‘related artists’ on Spotify I’ve uncovered some long-forgotten gems from pop groups some people probably haven’t even heard of (and for good reason).  Below are some examples – depending on your musical tastes this list is either a collection of ultimate pop turds, or classic cheesy “choooonz”.

allSTARS

This was a cheesy British pop group made up of 3 girls and 2 boys, who were around in 2001/2 and had a shit TV show on CITV called STARStreet.  The group members included Darren from Hollyoaks (look at how young he looks!) and Balls of Steel/Star Stories regular Thaila Zucchi.

Bump in the Night – reached #12 in 2001

Aly & AJ

Sisters Alyson and Amanda Michalka starred in the film Super Sweet 16: The Movie which is where I heard their single ‘Potential Breakup Song’ (apparently this film only came out in 2007….which means I was at least 22 when I watched it, how embarrassing).

Potential Breakup Song – reached #22 in 2007

Amy Studt

Amy Studt was a bit like a British Avril Lavigne in that her songs were all “hey, I may not be one of the popular girls but dammit I’ve got a mind of my own and I’m not going to take any of your shit ok”.  Her biggest hit was Misfit, although my favourite was her debut single Just a Little Girl.

Just a Little Girl – reached #14 in 2002

Atomic Kitten

Back when Kerry Katona wasn’t a mental cokehead she was in Scouse girl group Atomic Kitten.  KK got knocked up by Bryan from Westlife and left the band a few weeks before they got their first number 1 single for Whole Again (poor girl can’t catch a break!), and was later replaced by Jenny Frost.  Heidi Range from the Sugababes was actually in the original line up of the band but was replaced by Natasha before they released any singles.  My chosen song of theirs is the debut – Right Now.  Back in the early days I loved Kerry Katona, she was my favourite pop person just behind Britney Spears….I sure know how to pick them.

Right Now – reached #10 in 1999

B*Witched

Denim-clad Irish cheese mongers B*Witched were pretty massive for a while before the world tired of their incredibly whiny voices and questionable fashion sense.  Their most famous hit was C’est La Vie but I hate that song with a passion, so my pick is Blame it on the Weatherman which was actually a pretty decent pop tune.

Blame it on the Weatherman – reached #1 in 1999

Billie Piper

Before she travelled the galaxy with David Tennant, and long before she became a TV hooker, Billie Piper was a teen popstar, and a good one at that.  I used to listen to her debut album Honey To The Bee on repeat in my bedroom, it was awesome.  I could choose several of her songs to add here, including the classic Because We Want To, but my favourite is one of her later songs Day and Night.

Day and Night – reached #1 in 2000

Delta Goodrem

I don’t care anyone says….Nina from Neighbour’s first album was fucking awesome.  I especially liked how they incorporated her music into the storyline – “she plays the piano and writes songs but she’s too shy to perform in front of people, but oh look someone’s secretly recorded her and sent it into the radio and now everyone’s heard and they think the song is amazing and now she’s going to go off and become a famous popstar, oh and by the way her album is available in the shops now’.  I’ve got several of her songs on my playlist, but one of my favourites was Out of the Blue.

Out of the Blue – reached #9 in 2004.

Dream


I don’t really know much about this band apart from the fact that they were American and didn’t last very long.  I was somewhat obsessed with this song for a good few months and then spent ages trying to find it online again years later when I couldn’t remember the band name or song title (thank god for Google).

He Loves U Not – reached #17 in 2001

H & Claire

After the legendary Steps split up, ‘H’ (for ‘Homosexual’) and Claire released a few singles as a duo.  The songs were cheese-tastic and were maybe even slightly better than some of the Steps back catalogue.

DJ – reached #3 in 2002

Hear’say

These guys won Popstars, which was the first big UK music talent show that paved the way for Popstars: The Rivals, Pop Idol and then The X Factor.  Their debut single Pure and Simple became the fastest selling UK non-charity single and sold over a million copies (seriously).  As to where the group members are now….well Kym Marsh is a regular in Coronation Street, Suzanne Shaw won Dancing on Ice and is now in the theatre, Myleene Klass became famous for wearing a bikini in the I’m a Celebrity jungle, now models for M&S and presents stuff (oh, and she’s also not to be messed with), Noel was last seen at Nessa and Dave’s wedding (skip to 4:20), and Danny….emmm…..

Pure and Simple – reached #1 in 2001

Javine

During the finale of Popstars: The Rivals Javine Hylton lost out to Sarah Harding for the final place in Girls Aloud – at the time everyone figured that Javine would have the last laugh and end up with the bigger career but fast forward 9 years and Girls Aloud are one of the biggest selling acts of the decade, and Javine is known as the bitch who stole lovely Alesha Dixon’s husband.

Real Things – reached #4 in 2003

Lene Marlin


Lene Marlin is a Norwegian singer/songwriter who didn’t seem to make much of an impression in the UK which is a shame as her songs were really good.

Sitting Down Here – reached #5 in 1999

Let Loose


Another British Z-list boyband.  Apparently they are now reforming and were on the National Lottery a few weeks ago…..mental.

Crazy For You – reached #2 in 1994

Liberty X

The Popstars rejects (i.e. the anti-Hear’say) who lasted a bit longer than the winners, but were still fairly shit.  Their most famous song was Just a Little (which always reminds me of 6th year at high school), but the one that made it onto my playlist is Holding On For You.

Holding On For You – reached #5 in 2002

Lindsay Lohan

Yep, The Lohan has released an album!  Although this was Mean Girls era Lohan, not Rehab Lohan, which makes it a bit less sad.

Rumors – reached #106  in US charts in 2004, wasn’t released in UK

O-Town

Unfortunately their song Liquid Dreams (heehee) isn’t on Spotify, but it still deserves a mention.  These guys won the first series of MTV’s Making The Band but I don’t think they were that well known over here.  I loved this song when it came out, and I remember thinking the video was amazing (how shit does it look now?!).

Liquid Dreams – reached #3 in 2001

PHIXX


Boy band made up of Popstars: The Rivals rejects.  I think one of them dated Sarah Harding from Girls Aloud for a while.

Hold On Me – reached #10 in 2003

Point Break

These guys weren’t around long and I don’t think they were that well known, but they released 2 genuinely amazing pop songs (What About Us and You).

What About Us – reached #24 in 2000

Precious

This was our Eurovision entry in 1999, where we finished in a fairly respectable 12th place .  One of the band members was Jenny Frost who later joined Atomic Kitten and now “presents” (I use this term loosely) one of my trash TV favourites, Snog, Marry, Avoid.

Say It Again – reached #6 in 1999

Rooster

I literally can’t remember ANYTHING about these guys apart from the fact that my sister was a big fan and I quite liked their song.

Come Get Some – reached #7 in 2004

S Club 7

I’m not ashamed to say that I LOVED S Club 7;  I bought all the albums, watched all their cheesy TV shows and films (yes….FILMS), and learnt the dance routines (I can even still remember some).  I’d happily add their entire back catalogue to the list but if I had to pick one it would be Don’t Stop Moving.

Don’t Stop Moving – reached #1 in 2001

S Club Juniors

The Juniors were essentially little S Club 7 clones, created so the S Club money machine wouldn’t stop once the originals reached retirement age (i.e. 27).  These days Frankie and Rochelle are still living the pop dream in girlband The Saturdays.

New Direction – reached #2 in 2002.

Stacie Orrico

At one point in the early noughties there seemed to be loads of American female singer-songwriter pop types around (Michelle Branch, Vanessa Carlton to name two), but, in the UK at least, Stacie Orrico was probably one of the lesser known ones.

Stuck – reached #9 in 2003

The 411

Saw one of these girls in the identity parade on Never Mind The Buzzcocks recently and it brought back memories of this song.

Dumb – reached #3 in 2004

The Honeyz

The Honeyz were around back in the days when there seemed to be a new girlband on the scene every week.   With their ever changing line up they were essentially the Sugababes of the 90s, albeit an RnB version.

Finally Found – reached #4 in 1998

V

These guys were formed in 2004 when I should’ve probably been out of my shit boy band phase.  They only released a few songs, including this one, but their album was pretty decent – and they did some collaborations with McFly which is probably why they were on my radar.  Random fact – one of them is Mark from Westlife’s fiance.

You Stood Up – reached 4# in 2004

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About whatsthedirt
Edinburgh based blogger writing about TV, celebs, music, movies and gossip!

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